Mindful Hack #72

A few years ago I had a work challenge that left me feeling rather mortified. Without getting into the (wretched) details, I was in NYC and an unhappy client asked that I leave the assignment, early. Filled with feelings of shame and failure, I quickly packed my bags and headed to Laguardia to get an earlier flight home. The whole car ride there I kept replaying the tape in my head along with a narrative that was claiming things like, “you’re such an idiot” and, “you’ll never recover from this.” My mindfulness practice was nowhere to be found.

By the time I got to the airport my emotions overcame me and I broke down in tears. I didn’t bother to try to hide them, it would have been no use, so I just let them flow. As I went through security, where they can often be quite gruff, I received a kind smile from one of the guards and another said, “it will get better, Honey” as I walked through to collect my bag. I barely noticed either.

I managed to get it together awaiting the flight, but when I found my seat I slumped into it, turned my face to the window and the tears started up again. There was nobody in the middle seat but someone did take the aisle seat, a lovely young woman in a suit said to me, “do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it helps.” My embarrassment grew and I mumbled a quick “I’m okay, thanks” as I slouched down further, hand coming up to try to cover my face. 

When the plane was fully boarded and the “in case of an emergency” tape was playing, a flight attendant came over and put a small bottle of water (usually reserved for business class) in the empty seat beside me. I looked up, confused, and he said, “once we’re airborne, I’ll bring you something stronger. Red or white?” I managed a small smile and I replied, “either.”

As the plane pushed back I closed my eyes and tried to focus on my breathing, knowing that I was likely making a much bigger deal of this than it was. Amazingly, I must have dozed off a bit because in what felt like moments, we were above the clouds where the sun was shining, radiantly, and there was a small bottle of wine (red), a plastic cup and a bag of almonds sitting on the tray next to me. The woman in the aisle had something in a cup of her own and raised it to me, “to sunshine above the clouds,” she smiled. I smiled back and looked outside again, marveling at the last hour or so.

I looked out the window at the blue sky and floor of fluffy white clouds, and a wave of gratitude washed over me. In the last hour or so, four random strangers, at least, had reached out with kindness – seeing and wanting to ease my pain. Wow. Now I felt overwhelmed by a totally different feeling and while the angst over the work blunder didn’t disappear altogether, I knew I’d be able to deal with it and turned my attention, instead, to the importance of kindness, humanity, and connectedness.

We don’t need to wait until we see someone’s vulnerability to be kind. We are all vulnerable from time to time and all benefit from receiving and extending kindness. So for this week’s hack I will offer you this:

Choose kindness even when there’s nothing in it for you. (But there’s always something in it for you).