Mindful Hack #105
I think curiosity is an undervalued quality.
Think about a young animal exploring its surroundings in its early days – the cautious ways it stretches beyond the reach of its mother in order to understand its environment, capabilities and limitations. Young human animals are also a pleasure to watch as they discover the marvels of the world (even if they might drive us insane with their incessant questions).
It would serve us well to have more of that “beginner’s mind” approach in our adult lives. As we learn, we tend to become less curious, believing we now know. And for many aspects of life that’s true – for example, there’s no need to remain curious about what happens when you stick a metal object into an electrical socket. I do wonder, though, how many missed opportunities there are to learn something new because we think we already know.
I would equate a curious mind with an open mind, and an open mind allows for creativity and making genius if seemingly impossible connections for innovation. Curiosity also allows us to change our minds – which aren’t always right to begin with (whatever “right” means). How much growth can happen without curiosity?
One way to foster curiosity is to practice mindfulness – that is to be open to the unfolding of whatever is going on around, without judging based on our past experiences. It’s not always useful to operate this way, but I’d argue it would be very valuable to do so some of the time. After all, there is always, undoubtedly, something new to learn.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #104
Do you suffer from "perfectionism"? I seem to be encountering that a lot lately (and of course I'm fully aware of the fact it's only being mirrored back at ME).
By whose standards are we trying to be perfect? Where did we learn that? How can we UN-learn it?
I'm done with waiting until it's perfect before putting it out there. I think the much better option is for us to do it now, imperfectly, and figure out how to improve things as we go. Because, really, if we're caught in the trap of perfectionism, will it ever be good enough? And if we keep holding back, the world misses out on something that we might consider a little messy, but that would be just the thing someone else needs. Wouldn't that be a shame...
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #103
I feel tired today. Which, for me, means I’m slower than usual and maybe a little glum. It’s a sharp contrast compared to how I felt yesterday – full of energy, inspired, optimistic. What changed? No idea.
Rather than spending too much time analyzing or trying to “fix” it, I’m just going to lean into whatever is here for me now and not make it worse by resisting (or judging). In fact, I appreciate that this is life. Life is full of dichotomies – highs and lows, ups and downs, wins and losses, good days, and bad days and so on.
Imagine how boring life would be if it were always the same. Would we be able to appreciate or feel grateful for anything at all in the absence of contrasts? Given how easily we take things for granted, I don’t think we would. I know I appreciate food far more when I’m hungry and I totally take for granted breathing through my nose until I have a cold.
The only thing we can be certain of is change (well, and death and taxes), and it serves us in any given moment to know and accept that. Being mindful that everything changes allows us to move through tougher times with more ease and better times with more gratitude. Win-win 😊
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #102
You know the expression “nothing good comes easy”?
It sounds a little negative, but it isn’t. The most successful people out there have had a TON of setbacks.
What makes them great is that they persevered. They didn’t quit. They looked at all their “failures” as simply finding ways that don’t work, getting them that much closer to the ways that do.
It’s all about mindset. When we’re stuck in a fixed mindset, playing victim to negative thought-patterns like, “this will never work. Why do I bother?” we’re really just setting ourselves up for more failure.
But we don’t have to be stuck there. We know the brain is plastic and the mind is malleable, so we can train ourselves to shift into a growth mindset.
And we can do that by simply adding the word “yet.”
“This isn’t working YET.”
Amazing what a difference three little letters can make!
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #101
Emotions, especially negative ones, are often symptoms of unmet needs.
Take anger as an example. Chances are when we feel angry it’s because some boundary we have, expressed or unexpressed, has been violated. Another (obvious) example is loneliness – it signals that we’re cravingconnection. Disappointment or disgust? In those cases, expectations of our own haven’t been met. If we feel afraid, we’re perceiving some threat and need a sense of safety. I think you get the point.
So, what does this mean? It means that we can usually do something to alleviate negative emotions. How? Mindfulness, or awareness, is the answer (as usual 😊).
Instead of getting caught up in the miserable feeling, exacerbating it with the stories we create, we can get curious about its genesis. To do that, we can take some time and space to become still and to inquire, “what do I need?” The answer is always there, it’s a matter of quieting things enough to hear it.
I’m not saying this is easy. Nor am I saying every negative emotion can be completely quelled. But I do believe when we can turn rumination into curiosity, we’re be able to find what we need and satisfy it. The result is lessening negativity and allowing more room for the good stuff. And I, for one, prefer the good stuff.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #100
I’ve been thinking a lot about making changes lately, and what it takes to make real changes in our lives
Depending on the shift we want to make, the effort it takes varies from little to huge – it could be a small, one-time choice made differently, or it could take several steps and a lot of planning and persevering to make it happen. Say you want a new "look" – that’s as easy as a new hair style. But what about a bigger adjustment, like, becoming more patient or deepening relationships? Changes like that take a lot more work.
Regardless of the change we want to make, the first step is always the same – awareness. Awareness is the key that unlocks the opportunity for change. So, in the example of becoming more patient, first you have to realize that there’s room for improvement, then you have to make a conscious effort on a regular basis to make the shift. It can absolutely be done – the science science of neuroplasticity has shown us that – but not without awareness.
This is one of the reasons I believe a mindfulness practice is so important – it strengthens and develops our ability to see what we may have been blind to before, and to help us effect the changes we want to make. If you or someone you know would like to more about "how," don't hesitate to reach out.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #99
When someone does or says something that upsets us, it's worth considering whether we're more bothered by the thing they did or said or the story we're telling ourselves about it. Often times there's a narrative running in the background that has little to do with the other person. We may be attaching some kind of meaning to the words or behaviour that simply isn't true.
For example, someone is late for a meeting and we find ourselves getting annoyed. Are we really bothered by the fact they're running behind or are we interpreting their tardiness as disrespectful? A signal that our time isn't important? Chances are good there's a legitimate reason they're late and it's not at all a reflection of their regard for us. When we can step back from the emotion we can see that, but it can be hard in the moment without mindfulness.
Shining the light of awareness on our feelings, especially when they're triggered by someone else, may also reveal thought-processes that aren't serving us. And then we have the opportunity to change them. So, getting curious about what's going on in our minds is a great way to circumvent negative emotions and to change the stories we create. Two more great reasons to practice mindfulness. It isn't hard, we just have to remember to do it!
Wishing you ease, today and always.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #97
We are wired to be fearful.
When you look at our ancestors, fear made sense. Everything was a potential threat to their safety – drought, sabre tooth tigers, getting kicked out of the clan, etc. And although we’ve come a long way from those circumstances, that little fear-center in the brain (the amygdala) is still highly sensitive.
How many times have you wanted to try something and decided against it? Chances are that pesky little fear-center got activated so your talked yourself out of whatever “risk” it perceived. This happens all the time for us, in small ways like not wanting to try an oyster for the first time and big ways like not pursuing our passions or dreams.
We think we’re better off staying within our comfort zones – where it feels safe, familiar, and where we have a sense of (perceived) control. But here’s the thing about comfort zones – nothing extraordinary ever happens there. What innovation, evolution or exhilaration started within those boundaries?
We once thought that courage was inherited but have since discovered that it is learned by recognizing what scares us and doing it anyway. Courage is the willingness to be vulnerable, to push past what’s comfortable and to grow (even when, maybe especially when, we get a little bruised along the way).
Is there something you’ve been wanting to do, big or small, that scares you? What’s the worst that could happen if you saw that fear for what it is, a perceived threat to your safety, and did it anyway? If nothing else, your comfort zone would stretch and there would be one less thing to be afraid of (even if you never want to eat an oyster again).
Mindfully yours,
Mindful Hack #95
Part of being human is having an ego, which is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because without it, we wouldn’t have a lot of motivation to … well, to do much of anything, really. Our egos are a part of what drive us to go beyond just putting food on the table, and without them there would be no sense of competition or striving, so as a civilization we’d likely be much further behind. But today’s hack isn’t so much about the blessings of ego.
How many times have our egos, or pride, either created trouble or at least gotten in the way of what we truly want – especially connection.
Too many of the rifts that happen between people aren’t so much about the initial disagreement as they are about the refusal to be the one to break the tension and bridge the gap.
And why? To save what face? Is it really “weakness” to reach out to someone we care about to come together again after conflict? Does it make us a bigger person to perpetuate disunity?
I’m not talking about rolling over and taking it if someone has truly wronged us – it’s important that we are treated with respect and maintain healthy boundaries within relationships. But I’m willing to bet that most of the time we choose to hold a grudge or play the tit for tat game, we weren't mortally wounded. Rather our precious egos have been stung and we’re justifying our own bad behaviour in the name of something ridiculous. And something I’ve learned the hard way about vindictiveness: it hurts feel it much more than to receive it. So, nobody wins.
The next time you find yourself at a seeming impasse with someone you care about, consider what kind of person you want to be and how you want to show up in the world, not for them, but for you.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #94
Hello Lovely Souls,
Sometimes the easiest way to bring an example of something to life is to think about its opposite, which is what the following "skit" is intended to illustrate:
(Begin scene)
Ralph: Ugh. I’m so glad it’s almost the weekend.
Ted: Yeah, me too. It’s been a heck of a week. What’s going on with you?
Ralph: Oh, I just had a couple of meetings that I didn’t feel great about.
Ted: Bummer. I hate it when that happens.
Ralph: Yeah. Have you been in a meeting with that new guy, Dax, yet?
Ted: I have, actually, twice. And I have to say I think he’s really… (Ralph interrupts)
Ralph: An obnoxious know-it-all?
(Awkward pause)
Ted: Actually… I was going to say well-spoken, and knowledgeable. (Pause). He’s my brother-in-law and I recommended him to the firm.
(Longer awkward pause)
Ralph: Oh. Right. Sorry, man.
(End scene)
Although not usually with that kind of drama, I do catch myself interrupting, especially if my mind is moving quickly or I'm excited to share a thought. I often have to remind myself to wait until the other person has finished speaking before I take my turn. Not only is it the polite way to behave, it can circumvent some really uncomfortable situations. But maybe it's just me who needs the reminder 😊
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
(Note: the characters in the dialogue above are fictitious. Or ARE they?)
Mindful Hack #92
When was the last time you looked up from what you were doing?
I find that when I’m walking, whether it’s down a busy street or on a hiking trail, my eyes tend to be turned down to the ground in front of me. And in observing others, it seems I’m not alone. While this likely prevents us all from tripping more frequently, I do have to wonder how much we’re missing.
Yesterday, I walked down the street in search of a place to sit to do some work, so my gaze was at eye-level more than usual. I don’t know what inspired me to look right up to the sky, but for whatever reason I did. And there was a skywriting plane drawing a heart in the air! I stopped and watched to see what the full message would be – but that was it. Just a heart. I shouldn’t say “just” a heart – what a lovely, random, unexpected thing to see!
I couldn’t help but grin about what a great message it was and knew I had to share it with you: simply look up from time to time, from the sidewalk, your morning paper, or your device. You never know what thing of beauty or special sign you’ll find, right in the moment.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #91
Hello Lovely Souls,
I like to talk. I always have. As a kid, I came home from school and recounted all the things that happened that day: what I learned, how lunch was, playground drama, and so on. But I don’t ever remember asking my mother how her day was. What a miss … Sorry, Mom.
My grandfather (I’m sure affectionately) called me a “chatterbox,” and I wonder all these years later if he was gently trying to tell me to speak less, listen more.
As I got older, probably much older, I learned the importance of sharing the floor with others. As an adult, I have more than once felt a little bored or even annoyed by people who speak incessantly without giving anyone else a word of edgewise. Feeling engaged and connected needs give and take.
I wish I could remember when I heard it first, but I know it was a teacher in mindfulness somewhere along the way who said, so simply, “when we talk, we repeat what we already know. When we listen, we learn.” That message hit me hard, likely because I identified with being a chatterbox and realized there was a ton of learning I could be missing. And even more than the learning potential, when we listen, we give others the opportunity to feel heard, which is no small gift to them. Win-win.
So, for this week’s mindful hack, I remind myself and offer this: may we use our words to share our wisdom, and our attention to learn (and to give).
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #90
I would love to be able to open with “I hope this note finds you well,” but I know that many are feeling the weight of the most recent catastrophe(s) and all the fear and uncertainty that have begun anew. I’ve also noticed that there’s a sense of helplessness in the belief that there’s nothing we can do about the state of the world.
But that simply isn’t true.
We aren’t just passive visitors here in this life, we are the creators of our reality. Granted, there’s not likely a single person among us that can stop the violence and destruction “over there,” but each one of us can influence what goes on right here in our own personal lives and all the lives we touch.
Compassion and kindness are what the world needs, and they’re ours to give. A word of appreciation. A loving gesture. An act of forgiveness. None of these things cost us a cent yet think of the value they have - for those who receive them, but even more for those who give.
We can protest. We can rally. We can donate. But we can also show up a better version of ourselves for everyone we encounter in our day, and I’m willing to bet that has the same effect as tossing a stone in a puddle. You get the metaphor.
In every gesture and interaction with others, we have a choice – tear down or build up. I hope for a mindful (and loving) choice for all our sakes.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #89
Have you ever been surprised to hear that the way someone interpreted what you said was nowhere close to what you thought or felt?
Or have you ever met someone who seemed cool, confident and even aloof who then surprised you by being sensitive?
We are each a unique and complex combination of values, beliefs, personality traits and experiences. Our perspectives and interpretations are coloured by all of that in addition to our physical and emotional states and the way the wind is blowing...
Very recently, I said something that was perceived as... abrupt. And when I reflect, without ego, on my delivery vs. how I felt, it was abrupt! I blurted out a half-baked thought that really should not have been shared until I considered what I wanted to convey and maybe even how to say it in a way that wouldn't be offensive. But I didn't. And I like to talk about "mindfulness." HA!
On the bright side, my own blunders are great reminders to check myself, often, in the hopes of doing better next time.
I'd say it's always worth taking a second to look at the ways we behave, and the words and tone we choose, to ensure they're aligned with what we really mean. At least it is for me. 😊
Mindful Love Hack
My sister and I were talking about Valentine’s Day and questioning what it has become. As lovely as it is to dedicate a day to the celebration of love and romance, shouldn’t those be celebrated every day?
No sooner has Christmas come down from the shelves, stores are filling up with Valentine chocolate, teddy bears and heart shaped things. If you want a dinner reservation you must make it more than month ahead of time, then be forced to eat at a certain time, off a “special” menu that’s conveniently fixed price. And what if you’re single or your relationship is going through a rough patch? It’s a lot of pressure.
The thing is, real love is not all roses and teddy bears. It’s wonderful and rich and fulfilling and a helluva lot of work if you’re going to make it last. It can be messy and imperfect and downright hard sometimes. And that doesn’t only apply to romantic love – the same could be said for familial love and even good friendships.
Perhaps that’s what should be celebrated. Love as a verb. Love as the mindful effort that goes into keeping our loving connections with others strong, the compromises and sacrifices as well as the affection, sharing and laughter.
Today and every day I wish you all the love in the world.
Mindful Hack #87
I seem to remember when I was a kid hearing grown-ups say, “think before you speak,” in much the same tone as I heard, “say you’re sorry,” and “this, too, shall pass.” Perhaps it was because of that tone that all of them seemed like platitudes, and yet the wisdom in the words is profound.
We are social beings and crave connection. Communication is a huge part of connecting and yet all too often we are thoughtless, in other words not especially mindful, of the way we communicate. We don’t always choose our words very carefully and aren’t always aware of the way our tone might be perceived. In trying to convey to someone what we’re thinking or feeling, we can easily offend or hurt feelings, creating disconnection.
If we could practice thinking before we speak (or write) more often, we would likely avoid a lot of conflict. But we’re human and going to err, at which point the right thing to do is say we’re sorry (and mean it). And if that apology falls on deaf ears or they dig into their grudge, remember this, too, shall pass.
They may sound like platitudes, but they’re wonderful advice and I believe words to live by.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #86
Pressure stifles creativity and there have been many studies conducted to prove it. One study published in the Harvard Business Review outlined some particularly interesting findings:
People are largely unaware of the fact they’re less creative under pressure and in fact believe themselves to be more creative
On high-pressure days, people were 45% less likely to think creatively than they were on the lower-pressure days
Creative thinking is suppressed for a couple of days after the pressure is gone
When was the last time a great idea came to you when you were at your desk, furiously working against a deadline? Chances are far greater that the flash of inspiration happened when you were doing something else, like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. There’s nothing magical about routine acts of hygiene (though they are appreciated by others), they simply happen to create space in our minds for inspiration to spark.
I think you know by now I’m a big fan of meditation as a means for more mindfulness and presence in our lives. To let you in on a little secret, it also creates the same kind of space those mundane hygiene tasks do. Some of my best ideas have come to me when I’ve consciously quieting the noise and focusing within.
I’m just sayin’…
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #85
Looking out the window at a Canadian winter, especially on days it's far too cold to experience it outside, I can't help but marvel at the way Nature makes no apologies for whatever state she's in. Still and contracted now while she rests in preparation for the fiery bloom that will happen in a few months.
Imagine how much better off we would be if we could do the same - eat when we're hungry, stop when we're full, rest when we're weary, carry on when we're rested, retreat when we need solitude and reach out when we need connection - all without resistance or apology.
Quiet the noise and tap into what would serve you best today. If you can gift yourself whatever you need right now, you'll be so much the better for it when the seasons change again.
Mindfully yours,
Adriane
Mindful Hack #84
“Your thoughts are not reality,” I heard a wise man say.
Huh? Of course they are! They’re in my head and I’m having them!
But as variations of this idea repeated itself over the years, I saw that thoughts aren’t “real” in the sense that they’re not tangible, factual, or reliable. They often seem to come out of nowhere and disappear in the same way. They are as transient as the weather and yet their power is equally formidable.
It is so easy to get caught up in a spiral of thoughts, and all too frequently harmful ones. Predisposed with what’s known as a negativity bias, our default is to assume the worst in every scenario. For our ancestors, it was necessary to perceive everything as a threat for survival, but the same isn’t true today for most of us living in this part of the world, and yet our thoughts often tell us otherwise.
Most of the time we’re not aware of what’s going on in our heads, and we can become slaves to repeated thoughts which become beliefs. But with a little conscious effort, we can change that. Practicing “mindfulness of thoughts” is a wonderful way to become more aware of the inner chatter, and with awareness we gain control rather than be controlled.
Our brains are incredible thinking machines, capable of conceptualizing, problem-solving, innovating and so much more. They can be our biggest enemy or our greatest tool, and the difference lies in awareness.
Do yourself the favour of tuning into your thoughts from time to time. If you find they’re on the negative side, question how “true” they are and consider shifting to something you can feel good about. The more we practice this, the more a peaceful mindset becomes second nature. And who wouldn't benefit from that?
Mindfully yours,
Adriane