Mindful Hack #95

Part of being human is having an ego, which is a blessing and a curse. It’s a blessing because without it, we wouldn’t have a lot of motivation to … well, to do much of anything, really. Our egos are a part of what drive us to go beyond just putting food on the table, and without them there would be no sense of competition or striving, so as a civilization we’d likely be much further behind. But today’s hack isn’t so much about the blessings of ego.

How many times have our egos, or pride, either created trouble or at least gotten in the way of what we truly want – especially connection.

Too many of the rifts that happen between people aren’t so much about the initial disagreement as they are about the refusal to be the one to break the tension and bridge the gap. 

And why? To save what face? Is it really “weakness” to reach out to someone we care about to come together again after conflict? Does it make us a bigger person to perpetuate disunity? 

I’m not talking about rolling over and taking it if someone has truly wronged us – it’s important that we are treated with respect and maintain healthy boundaries within relationships. But I’m willing to bet that most of the time we choose to hold a grudge or play the tit for tat game, we weren't mortally wounded. Rather our precious egos have been stung and we’re justifying our own bad behaviour in the name of something ridiculous. And something I’ve learned the hard way about vindictiveness: it hurts feel it much more than to receive it. So, nobody wins.

The next time you find yourself at a seeming impasse with someone you care about, consider what kind of person you want to be and how you want to show up in the world, not for them, but for you.

Mindfully yours,

Adriane