Mindful Hack #55

Have you ever noticed themes or repeated messages in your life that at some point you have to realize – okay, I think someone is trying to tell me something and it’s likely worth paying attention? Well that’s where I’m at this week.

I don’t know if there’s something in the air, but recently I’ve been hearing people complain about being upset by something someone did or said, only to have the offending party add insult to injury with something to the effect of, “but I didn’t mean it.”

In a completely separate but related story, a slide was projected during a lecture I attended led by two very esteemed mindfulness teachers titled: Understand the difference between intent and impact. 

It was combination of complaints and that slide that triggered me to get curious about the message(s), which led me to look up the expression: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. I can’t find the original source of that proverb, but it’s been sited many times over the centuries and may date back as early as the 1100’s. What does that tell you?

What it tells me is that, apparently, we haven’t evolved from a place of absolving ourselves of responsibility for someone else’s feelings, as long as we didn’t mean it. I have to say I’m grappling with this one a little bit, because there’s a good part of me that believes that other people’s feelings are their concern (and often have nothing at all to do with “me”). But there’s another (bigger) part of me that wants to take responsibility for the way I show up in the world – and if someone experiences me other than the way I “intended,” it’s worth turning a light back on myself to see whether I could have make an adjustment that would have bridged the gap between my intention and my impact.

As I continue to learn about and practice the way “mindfulness” can benefit our lives, I can’t help but be reminded again and again of how important awareness of self and others is to our relationships, and few would argue that relationships aren’t fundamental to our wellbeing. So while I’m sure I’ll still be mulling this over (and slipping into “but I didn’t mean it” from time to time), for now I’m netting out here: 

What you intend to do or say doesn’t matter as much as the impact you have. Own that, and watch your relationships flourish.