Mindful Hack #56

Today’s hack might look familiar but I don’t think this can be stated enough. In fact, if you only implement one mindful hack into your life, this is the one to go with.

If you feel remotely heated, don’t hit send.

I am a lover of the written word – books, poetry, blogs, editorials, etc. – and I believe that written communication can be very powerful. I think it was his uncle who told Spider Man, “with great power comes great responsibility.” Yes, I’m sure someone like Voltaire said it first, but the sentiment is still bang on, ergo, with writing comes great responsibility. (Sidebar: I can’t believe I just used the word “ergo” in a sentence).

You might think I’m being overly dramatic, but communication is a topic that comes up a lot in my work as a coach, and the number of times I’ve seen endless amounts of damage-control that needs to happen after a “mindless” note is keyed and sent is too high to count. 

There is no doubt that communication has changed quite dramatically in the electronic era, especially the speed at which we can do it. But that’s a curse as well as a blessing. Back when we had to write with pens and paper, send memos or telegrams, it took time, which meant there was time to think and rethink about what you wanted to say, how you wanted to say it and even whether you wanted to send. That natural pause doesn’t exist anymore which means it’s easier to be reactive without checking ourselves, causing all sorts of trouble. I don’t think I need to illustrate with examples – we all have them, in both our professional and our personal lives.

At the best of times, with the best of intentions (recall last week’s hack on “intention”), there is huge room for misinterpretation with written correspondence. Think about how often an email or text has evoked an emotional response because you felt criticized, blamed, belittled or accused, even if the sender was only trying to express their perspective. Two great rules of thumb – don’t send a note if you’re feeling triggered and don’t send something back if a note triggers you.

This is where mindfulness comes in. Take pause. Recognize that you’re feeling triggered (which if you’ll recall, means that your smart brain has gone offline and your reptilian fight-flight-freeze brain has taken over). This reptile is really good at keeping you safe, but not really good at communicating. 

If you want to process through the way you’re feeling and it would feel good to get something off your chest, then by all means write it, but leave the “to” field blank and please don’t send it! Go for a walk. Take a shower. Sleep on it, but whatever you do, wait until your smart brain comes back online. Then even better than re-reading, editing and sending (I can almost guarantee there will be a disconnect between your intention and their perception), pick up the phone or go see the person to talk, like the intelligent, evolved, mindful human you are 😊

Mindfully Yours,

Adriane