Mindful Hack #63

I’m sure you’re no stranger to hearing the dreaded and unsolicited advice to “accept them for who they are,” in particular when you’re having a hard time accepting someone for who they are. 

For years (and years) that advice fell on deaf ears (mine). Why should I accept them? They had done wrong or said something wrong or were wrong in some way or another, by my estimation, and I had no desire to accept them! So instead I would judge, or stew in righteous indignation, or feel flat out anger.

At some point along the journey of bringing mindfulness into my life, I realized what a lot of energy, negative energy, it was for me to want others to behave or say or be the way I wanted. And to what end? Very rarely does our wanting someone else to change inspire change. Why should it? Chances are they are quite comfortable with whomever they are and my issue with them is my issue! 

Slowly, one situation at a time, I began to consciously manage my own expectations and continue to remind myself that just as I am true to myself, perhaps to the disapproval of somebody else, others are being true to themselves and it’s not about me. Don’t get me wrong – I still find myself agitated and resistant sometimes, but it’s getting less all the time and the lightness in place of resistance is, well, much lighter! 

So for this week’s mindful hack I’ll offer you this, take it or leave it (no judgment from me): accepting others for who they are is a liberating gift… for you.

Mindfully yours,